WARNING: THOUGHTFUL POST AHEAD!

I'm a little sleepy today. Slept pretty well last night. I think the night time Tylenol cold and sinus had a hand in that.

Earl and I went to visit my dear friend Jenny last night. She just had a baby. A little girl. She is precious. She spent a few hours in the NICU yesterday. She had some trouble breathing. But she is doing much better now. Hopefully they will both get to go home today.

I am getting better about the whole pregnancy/baby thing. I've been so jealous of my friends who are having kids. People that I love and care about. It's not something I am proud of. I became bitter, angry, depressed. I was not a fun person to be around.

When Jenny sent me a picture of her holding her new daughter, I cried tears of joy for her. I was so happy. The bitterness that I had formerly felt was not there. I was doubly happy.

You see, I had been praying for comfort. For peace. While I knew that now was not the time for a family for me and Earl, I have felt that tug, that void. Knowing that something was missing. Someone was missing. I had accepted my Heavenly Father's answer that we aren't to start a family now. But I needed comfort from this disappointment.

And it came. To be free of that burden is wonderful. I honestly don't feel stronger because of it. I feel humbled. I don't feel stronger because of this trial. But maybe I'm not supposed to feel stronger. I'm supposed to feel like me.

And for once in a long while, I do.

I'm growing as a person. I somewhat feel like the Grinch whose heart grew in the end. Before I could only focus on myself. I couldn't/wouldn't be happy for other people.

I feel like I have turned a corner. I am happy for others. I share their joy.

I am getting better.