I'm Thankful

I'm not entirely sure how to start this post. A great man left this earthly existence on Thursday. My grandfather, Hyrum Bell, passed away.

My family knew that Grandpa was nearing the end of his life. He had been on hospice care for the previous week. I was pretty much glued to my phone and computer, awaiting any updates/e-mails about his condition.

I am so happy that my parents were able to drive to Idaho for Grandpa's last moments. They arrived in Burley about noon and Grandpa passed sometime between 3 and 4. I told my dad that Grandpa waited for him to show up.

It's difficult for me to type this. But I feel that it needs to be written. I had the desire to go to Idaho for Grandpa's services, but reality was punching me down. I couldn't afford to miss 2 days of work to drive up and back.

And then an angel came to me. A wonderful woman who I met just over a year ago, offered to pay my airfare to go be with my family. My sister called me last night and said that she was booking flights and needed to know if I was able to go. I didn't think that I would, but then I remembered that B had made the offer. I called her up and with tears running down my face and my voice catching in my throat, I asked if the offer was still available.

This woman opened her heart and gave me the funding to be with my family during this time. I leave Tuesday morning with my older siblings and fly to Salt Lake City. There, we pick up my younger brother and drive the rest of the way to Idaho. Grandpa's services will be Wednesday morning. Then that evening, we will head back towards Salt Lake, possibly spending the night with my best friend, Sam, in Nibley, UT. We'll drop Tyler off at school Thursday morning, and then Amanda and I will fly home.

I am so thankful that my Heavenly Father is aware of me and my family. I am forever thankful that I have friends in my life who are so giving. I am grateful to have a husband who is supportive of me. I know that my sweet Grandpa Bell is happy and with friends and family now. I can only imagine the reunion he had with 2 of his sons, other family members, his Father in Heaven, and his Savior, Jesus Christ. To be welcomed with open arms into his eternal rest. It is extremely comforting knowing that Grandpa is safe and loved.

If you so desire, you can go here to read Grandpa's obituary. I probably shouldn't have read it while sitting here at work, but I couldn't not read it. I am so pleased that he will receive military services as well. Many tears have already been shed and many more will fall in the days to come. I love my family so much. I know that we will all be together again someday. And that is the best comfort of all.

This Roller Coaster Ride Isn't All That Fun

I have a heavy heart today. And feel the need to express my feelings here.

It's been a roller coaster of emotions this week. Started out with the relief of turning in my background packet. Then I got an e-mail for an interview with the city of Irvine for a dispatch position I applied/tested for. Then I heard back from Newport Beach that I passed their test but didn't score high enough to progress in their process.

Then I had a bit of a disagreement with my better half that put me on edge and shed quite a few tears. And of course while I was not feeling that great, I watched a pretty sad movie, "What Dreams May Come." And I shed some more tears. The issue was resolved and things were good. I was still unsure of my feelings, but I was getting "there."

Then while at the barn, my left big toe got stomped on by the resident pony. I'm still pretty sore and not a fan of wearing shoes right now.

Then I got an e-mail from my dad about my grandpa. He hasn't been doing all that well the last few years. Just a gradual decline in health. We were able to see him and my grandma last year at the family reunion. He wasn't to quick to speak, but he remembered me. Remembered my name, my face, and us playing ping pong back in Texas.

Grandpa Bell is now on hospice care. He sleeps most of the day and doesn't eat much. He's always had a serious sweet tooth. My mom sent a separate container of chocolate chip cookies just for him last year. His eyes would go cloudy for a bit, but then to see his grandchildren and great-grandchildren around him, his face lit up. A particularly tender moment was last year on the last day of the reunion when all the boys got together and gave Grandpa a blessing. It wasn't announced to the world that this was occurring. But let me tell you, word spread quickly and everyone got quiet fast and it was wonderful seeing the boys of the family minister to their father.

My family didn't go to Idaho often to visit. My childhood memories are a little scattered. But I do remember being pushed in the giant swings out at the farm. And walking out to the rhubarb and trying some only to realize it wasn't quite ripe yet.

But one thing has remained constant: he is my father's father. My grandfather. He served in WWII as a tail gunner. He fathered 14 children. He has worked hard every day of his life. I'm not sure if it was a need for the food or a love for the earth, but there was always a garden in their yard.

I know that Grandpa will be okay. I'm sure that his body is tired. He has lived a good, long life. He has a gigantic family to carry on his legacy.

I love my grandpa. He's the only one I've ever met which makes him a little more special to me.

Nobody really knows how much longer Grandpa Bell will be with us. I pray that he will be at peace and that Grandma and the rest of the family will be comforted.

Who knows where I will be on the roller coaster tomorrow.

Dreaming the Day Away

I've been in a funk the last week or so. I'm trying to get over it. And one of the things that I'm doing is dreaming of a possible future. In this future, Earl and I move to Arizona. And we move into the apartment complex that I'm in love with. Of course I would prefer my own house, but until that becomes a reality, I'll dream of this apartment:

The apartment that has a bay window in the dining room.
And an open kitchen.
And a roman soaking tub.
And separate entrances for the bedroom and bathroom.
Full size washer and dryer.
Built-in desk just off the living room.
Walk-in closet.
External storage.
Private deck/balcony.
Pools and fitness room open 24 hours.
Gated community.
Accepts pets!

The downside? It's more expensive than what we wanted to pay. It's about $699 right now. That is considerably less than what we pay now. I'd feel better if it was even less. But in my dream world, this would be my home. Plus, it's actually achievable. If we actually do move, Earl would get a job (part- or full-time) and we would be able to afford this apartment.

*Sigh*

I'm trying to not be too picky in my search. Basically I don't want to move to an apartment that is smaller that what we are currently in. I'm not requiring a brand-spanking-new unit with all the amenities. Really what my criteria are are as follows:

• As big or bigger than our current living space
• Must have a washer/dryer in the unit
• Must accept pets

That's not too much, is it? Oh, I forgot, it MUST have AC!

**facepalm**

How can a person legitimately plan on living in Arizona and forget about the AC? Man, my lack of sleep lately is really getting to me!

What are some of the things you guys require of a potential living space? Have I left out anything major?

Hiccups and Groceries

So I have noticed a slight hiccup in my blog and I am curious is anyone else is having the same issue. I have on the left side of my page, a list of blogs that I follow. On occasion, the list will indicate a new blog post from one of my blog-friends. So I click on the link, but there is not a new post. Other times I will see via Facebook that my friends have a new post, but my blog list isn't updated.

Is anyone else having issues like this with their blog? I'm not sure if this is something that I can address. Perhaps I will just have to deal with it.

~~~~~

So Earl and I haven't been grocery shopping in forever. I believe we will be going tonight after he picks me up from work. I'm a little scared. We try to stick to things that are on sale. But there are things we have gone without and need to get now. I'm a little worried about the final total of our grocery bill. That and I just don't like grocery shopping. Ugh. Wish me luck!

Diplomas, Birth Certificates, and Marriage Licenses, Oh My!

I'm in backgrounds with Gilbert, AZ police dispatch.

Part of what is required is that I prove who I am. And by doing so I must produce a copy of my birth certificate as well as my marriage license.

I found my marriage license easily. Since it was acquired most recently.

But my diploma is MIA. And I couldn't find my birth certificate.

I figured I could just contact Texas for my birth certificate and get a copy. So I checked their website and they said that to request one by mail, to allow 10-15 business days! I have to have my whole packet in Arizona by the 19th of this month! So now I'm freaking out a little.

So I went over to my parents' house. Surely my mom would have a copy, right? RIGHT! Oh I was so relieved! So I have 2 of 3 required documents. Now for my diploma...

I graduated from high school 10 years ago. Wow...10 years...and what have I done with my life? I got married. I'm actually working in the field in which I went to college for. I didn't get a college degree, but I have the experience to back me.

So yeah, 10 years ago. I have no clue where my diploma is. I have had no reason/desire to see it. I'm sure it's buried somewhere in a box. But I just don't have the motivation or time to dig through a million boxes. Just ain't gonna happen I tell ya!

So I went to my old school and ordered an official sealed transcript. That should suffice for a diploma, right? Gosh I hope so. I'll be sending an e-mail to my background investigator to verify that.

This is very intense! But hopefully something will come of it.

On a side note, somewhat related, I tested for Irvine police dispatch this week. And I'm testing for Newport Beach police dispatch next Friday. Just putting lots of feelers out for possible new jobs. It would be nice to get hired with either Irvine or Newport because then we wouldn't be moving. We would stay by family. We wouldn't incur the cost of moving. But at the same time, I almost feel as though we need to move in order to grow. Not that we are smothered or sheltered here by family, just that I feel it is time to move on.

Does that make sense?

I hope so.

Now it's time to go back to playing "Draw Something". It's a new game on my phone that I play against my friends. It's like pictionary.

And it's really addicting.

Michigan, Lansing

Many years ago, my little brother Tyler sat in Primary and sang a song.

He has since grown a foot or two or three.

I'm not sure if he's ready, but he must be, for he is going to teach and preach and serve as missionaries do!

Tyler got his call yesterday. He opened it via Facebook/Skype.

Dad plugged in his laptop to the TV and he was all alone in his dorm room. Then a few of his buddies came in and were able to share the moment with him.

I love that my brother is going on a mission.

He makes me proud.

I'm already praying for his safety in the mission field.

I love him dearly.

He's a goofy kid, so I know he'll have fun.

He's also had experience with serving others.

He's almost 19. He reports to the MTC (Missionary Training Center) on June 20. I can't wait for him to come home from school. I am excited to go to the temple with him.

I know he will make a great missionary.

I love you Elder Bell!!!

Onward and Upward!!

I am officially in the background process with Gilbert. I'm totally excited! And nervous!

I have to find my birth certificate, high school diploma, marriage license, as well as complete the background packet. The good thing is I only have to list places I have lived for the past 5 years, not 10! Even though I have the addresses for the past 10 years. Really I can go back to when we lived in Texas.

So it looks like I have a bit of digging to do tonight when I get home from work. And tomorrow morning.

Crap! Where is my diploma? Where's my birth certificate? I know everything got put away in boxes when I moved. Oh heaven help me!

I know I can get a copy of my birth certificate. And marriage license. But my diploma? Dang. Sure hope I can find it!

Possibly Questionable Topic: Do You Feel Sexy?

**GASP**

"Oh my gosh, did she use the word 'sexy' in her title?"

Why yes, yes I did. And it is more or less the focus of my thoughts right now.

I know that to feel sexy, one must have confidence. And not give a darn what society says/thinks/feels. We know that our bodies are sacred and that we are here to be daughters, mothers, sisters, etc. We believe in modesty and respecting our bodies. I get that.

I want to look good too. There are times when I want to look good for my husband. I'm talking about going out on a date and wearing something other than jeans and a sweatshirt. And dare I say it? In the bedroom, too!

I suppose it comes down to what is considered sexy. Modesty is beautiful. I have a hard time finding attractive, modest clothes that fit. It seems as though when I find a cute dress that is long enough to be modest, the same dress is typically sleeveless or strapless. I know there is nothing that says I can't add a sweater or some sort of cover-up, but I hate that I have to add to an existing garment.

I digress. I guess my ADD is kicking in again.

What do you other modest Mormon Mommies (or non-mommy, as in my case) do to feel sexy? A certain lotion or perfume? That perfect shirt you found years ago? What about swimsuits? Do you guys opt for lingerie at all? That's my big issue. I love the illusion of it, but unless you have a supermodel's body, it just doesn't fit right and I feel silly.

So spill! Please! Do you feel sexy? What do you do to boost your confidence?

Another Test

I registered for another dispatch test.

This one is in Irvine, CA.

It pays more than what I make now.

We wouldn't need to move if I got the job.

There are probably a lot more people who applied for this job.

Chances are there are only 1-2 spots open.

So my odds of moving on in the process probably aren't that high.

----

On a side note, my head feels very full today. Heavy.

I'm wishing that I could be at home in bed.

Instead I'm at work.

Mornings come too early. Not that I can sleep in.

I usually wake up early, before my alarm goes off. And then when the alarm does go off, I'm exhausted.

So that's where I'm at today. Tired, hurting head, trying to stay positive about another chance at a new job.

How's your Saturday shaping up?