Honesty

This post is probably not what you think.

I have not been honest with myself. And the truth hit me today like a ton of bricks.

I can rationalize with the best of them, believe me! A lot of what I'm thinking and feeling tonight is my own perception. I'm not looking for for people to disagree or coddle and I'm certainly not looking for compliments.

I am not overweight. I am not fat. I am 6 feet tall. I don't want to look like I'm starving. I don't want to starve myself.

But gosh darn it, I am not happy about my body right now.

I have started working out. Not a huge overhaul, just a workout routine or two when I come home from work. I have determined that the best way to not lose momentum and motivation is to work out immediately when I get home from work. Otherwise I sit on the sofa and don't move again for the rest of the night.

I stepped on the scale at work today. I was very disheartened to see the numbers. I will not weigh 145lbs ever again. If I do, somebody come feed me a cheeseburger! And while I know that I am not in danger of becoming obese, I do want to bring that number down a bit. (Heaven help me if I ever get pregnant for it won't take much for me to top 200 on that evil scale!)

I am more concerned with how my clothes fit. I'll admit, my jeans are snug. I couldn't wear a skirt to church on Sunday because I couldn't zip it up. My nicer shirts are snug. I really don't want to go up a size, mainly because I hate shopping and I don't have the money to spend on new clothes anyway!

I want to feel good. Confident. Happy.

So I spent 15 minutes on the elliptical tonight.

And quickly demolished all the good by eating a bowl of Cap'n Crunch Crunchberries for dinner.

Baby steps, right?

Slacking Off

Okay, I know that I've been slacking the last month. Or more. It's not that I've been avoiding my blog, it's just that I haven't felt a burning desire to write anything.

I suppose I should start with the most recent event, as it is the most exciting.

Earl has a job!! After many months and countless prayers, Earl secured a job this week. He starts out as part-time at a luggage shop in the Chandler mall. The company is expanding and will be opening another location in Scottsdale in about a month. After the new store opens, Earl will be full-time. He has been able to work out to have Thursday nights off for school (more on that in a bit) and Sundays for church. This has been the job that we have been praying for for so long. We have truly been blessed this week!

Earl has also enrolled in an online program through BYU Idaho. This is also a great opportunity. He will be able to eventually get his BS through this program. Very exciting!!

So as I write this, Earl is at work and I kind of don't know what to do with myself. I've watched about as much TV as I can handle, although NetFlix has a lot of new additions that I want to see. The dishes are done, and I don't really feel like doing laundry. We're okay on clothes anyway.

For now I have a kitty napping on my lap so I guess I'm stuck for a while.

Oh, and we will most likely be coming to CA in October for a weekend. I've been able to secure the time off from work, now Earl has to do the same. It will be nice to come back for a visit and bring back some items that we forgot to pack.

Hmm...dinner for one...better figure it out!