This Roller Coaster Ride Isn't All That Fun

I have a heavy heart today. And feel the need to express my feelings here.

It's been a roller coaster of emotions this week. Started out with the relief of turning in my background packet. Then I got an e-mail for an interview with the city of Irvine for a dispatch position I applied/tested for. Then I heard back from Newport Beach that I passed their test but didn't score high enough to progress in their process.

Then I had a bit of a disagreement with my better half that put me on edge and shed quite a few tears. And of course while I was not feeling that great, I watched a pretty sad movie, "What Dreams May Come." And I shed some more tears. The issue was resolved and things were good. I was still unsure of my feelings, but I was getting "there."

Then while at the barn, my left big toe got stomped on by the resident pony. I'm still pretty sore and not a fan of wearing shoes right now.

Then I got an e-mail from my dad about my grandpa. He hasn't been doing all that well the last few years. Just a gradual decline in health. We were able to see him and my grandma last year at the family reunion. He wasn't to quick to speak, but he remembered me. Remembered my name, my face, and us playing ping pong back in Texas.

Grandpa Bell is now on hospice care. He sleeps most of the day and doesn't eat much. He's always had a serious sweet tooth. My mom sent a separate container of chocolate chip cookies just for him last year. His eyes would go cloudy for a bit, but then to see his grandchildren and great-grandchildren around him, his face lit up. A particularly tender moment was last year on the last day of the reunion when all the boys got together and gave Grandpa a blessing. It wasn't announced to the world that this was occurring. But let me tell you, word spread quickly and everyone got quiet fast and it was wonderful seeing the boys of the family minister to their father.

My family didn't go to Idaho often to visit. My childhood memories are a little scattered. But I do remember being pushed in the giant swings out at the farm. And walking out to the rhubarb and trying some only to realize it wasn't quite ripe yet.

But one thing has remained constant: he is my father's father. My grandfather. He served in WWII as a tail gunner. He fathered 14 children. He has worked hard every day of his life. I'm not sure if it was a need for the food or a love for the earth, but there was always a garden in their yard.

I know that Grandpa will be okay. I'm sure that his body is tired. He has lived a good, long life. He has a gigantic family to carry on his legacy.

I love my grandpa. He's the only one I've ever met which makes him a little more special to me.

Nobody really knows how much longer Grandpa Bell will be with us. I pray that he will be at peace and that Grandma and the rest of the family will be comforted.

Who knows where I will be on the roller coaster tomorrow.