My Mountains

The Lord gives us trials. I seem to get a bunch of little ones.

Yesterday, after finishing a session at the temple, I was folding my things when I noticed something shiny on the counter. My heart jumped into my throat and my stomach fell to the floor.

~~Flashback~~

I had been at work about two months ago when a diamond fell out of my wedding band. This was shortly before Earl and I were to be sealed. Sent it in, got it back about a week before the sealing date. My ring was back for 24 hours and another diamond had fallen out. So we sent it back again at no cost to us. I got my ring back this past Tuesday.

~~Flash forward to Thursday~~

I looked down at m ring and sure enough, that tiny little shiny thing was a diamond from my band. I muttered under my breath (which is not something you normally do at the temple, for obvious reasons) something like,, "Oh my gosh, you've GOT to be kidding me!"

I was trying to hold back the tears. A kind temple worker (I haven't encountered any temple worker who isn't kind) was walking past me and stopped to ask if I was okay.

Normally when I am upset and on the verge of tears, it is best not to talk to me because I can hold back the tears and get on with my day. I couldn't yesterday. I started bawling, right there in the dressing room for a material object.

I finally collected myself, got changed, and went out to meet Earl. I had him hold out his hand and I put the tiny little diamond and my ring in his hand. I tried not to cry again as we drove home.

I couldn't call the company to tell them the situation because I would have said very mean things to them and would've wound up in tears again. So I let Earl know my demands so he could talk to them. We got things straightened out. I am getting a new band, free of cost. They are paying for shipping to and from my house. They are overnighting the completed ring back to me. But in the meantime, I will be without my beloved wedding ring for another two weeks at the least.

Earl took me to Olive Garden last night for comfort food. I was comforted a lot!

So while I am dealing with this emotional stress, I'm also dealing with some physical pain. I've been dealing with hip and leg and lower back pain for the past year and a half. It's been off and on and I would go weeks at a time without feeling any pain. Well, last Memorial Day, the pain was so intense I couldn't take it anymore. So I went to the doctor, got some prescriptions for the pain, and started physical therapy.

So far, I'm not going up and down in huge spikes and drops. I've evened out, but now it's a constant pain. My whole right leg, from my hip to my toes is constantly hurting. This makes it very difficult to sleep. I can't lay on my right side for obvious reasons. Laying on my left side is starting to put too much strain on the hip so that hurts. And laying on my back is horribly uncomfortable since I am a stomach/side sleeper. Hence, I did not get a lot of sleep last night.

I don't know why Heavenly Father has given me these trials. With the ring situation, it is probably to learn to better control my emotions. I have a quick temper and a sharp tongue. By Earl doing the talking yesterday, I pretty much avoided controlling my emotions, but I did not scream at a total stranger for something that was out of his control. I am learning to trust healthcare professionals. I guess I have always trusted them, it's the insurance beauracracies I don't trust. It's hard to go to the doctor when you know it's going to cost an arm and a leg for a procedure that may or may not bring you answers.

So that's what I'm dealing with. This may seem trivial to others, but for me, these are mountains that I must climb over. To dig a tunnel through the mountain would be cheating and I would learn nothing from it. All I know is that Heavenly Father knows me and what I can handle. I guess that means I can handle this trial. I just don't know when I will conquer it.

Patience Is A Virtue That I Don't Have

This past Sunday, we had our High Council speaker. And the theme for the meeting was patience.

NOT my favorite topic. (Hence the title of this post)

When I was little and Mom would bake cookies, I could never wait for the cookies to finish baking. I always had to have some of the dough. Mom always chided me that I would get sick, but I didn't, so I kept eating the dough.

The same thing is evident in today's society. We don't wait for letters in the mail anymore. Everything is electronic. Probably 90% of the general population have cell phones, maybe more. We can send text messages to people. Messages that mean nothing in the grand scheme of things. Sure, this makes planning the weekends activities a whole heap easier, but what do we learn?

Instant Gratification.

Two innocent words that when placed in a specific order have a terrible meaning. That's what we are fighting these days. We live in a world of convenience for everything. Fast food, e-mail, Skype, text messages, frozen meals. I'm not saying that all of these things are bad. But I sure forgot about patience real quick!

I guess I'm writing this because I am not a patient person. I'm waiting for dinner to cook right now and it's killing me. I even made it from scratch! But hopefully it will turn out okay and I will learn that it's okay that I've been working on dinner for the past hour and a half and the food will be devoured in a matter of minutes.

I'm trying to remind myself daily that the Lord has things in store for me that I'm not ready for yet. I don't do well with the unknown. I don't like surprises. I like to have a plan, an order for things. Does this mean everything in my life is orderly and the dishes are always done and the laundry is always put away and my bed is always made? Absolutely not!

But when Earl and I were to be married, we waited "patiently" for the letter from Salt Lake to come giving us permission to be sealed (Earl was previously married). When we got the letter saying that we were to wait, I just about died. This was not according to my plan! Didn't Heavenly Father know that wasn't what I wanted? It may not have been what I wanted, but it was what we needed. Earl and I grew so close our first year of marriage. And it was a wonderful, hard year. But oh so worth it!

Earl and I are now sealed for time and all eternity. That was the best day of my life! Sometimes I feel as though I have a checklist of sorts for my life.
~find a guy-check
~get married-check
~get sealed-check
~start a family-______

That's where I'm at now. I want so badly to be a mom. I want to have a family. But Earl and I aren't in a place to have one right now. And that makes me sad. I don't feel that it's anyone's fault, we just aren't there yet. That's where the patience part comes into play. My thoughts and feelings are on a different wavelength from that of our Heavenly Father. I'm waiting not so patiently for Him to give the go-ahead in our aspirations of a family. So I wait, day in and day out.

What are your thoughts on patience? How do I learn this virtue?

And now I wait patiently for your feedback!

Deja Vu?

It happened AGAIN.

I had my ring back for all of about 24 hours and another diamond fell out. Not a fan. So now I'm getting sealed with an incomplete ring. Am I being a little dramatic? Maybe. But it means a lot to me. I even paid extra for shipping so I would get it back the FIRST time in time for the sealing.

The company is paying for shipping and for the repair. But I'll be without my ring for at least 3 weeks this time.

I'm very sad....

The Ring

This is not about that movie. It's about something much smaller and much bigger at the same time.

You see about two weeks ago I was at work for a night shift. I walked back from the bathroom and played with my wedding ring as I do on a regular basis. I just like the feel of it! When I looked down at it, my heart froze and my stomach dropped.

A diamond was missing.

I immediately found a flashlight and started looking over the floor around my terminal and on the path to the bathroom. I even shined the flashlight down the sink.

Nothing.

The little diamond was gone.

I was so sad. And I still had ten hours to go in my shift! What a long night it was going to be.

The very next day I sent my ring to the manufacturer for repair. I was so sad to not have my ring anymore. That ring had become a part of me. It was a symbol of love. There's so much significance in that ring. The love Earl and I have for each other, the hard times we've been through, and the life that is still ahead of us.

It's not that I wear my ring to show off. I wear it because it does let other people know that I am a married woman. Not that I'm afraid of random people talking to me. I just prefer to show people that I am very happy with my husband.

These past two weeks when I was without my ring, I felt incomplete. I'm not a big jewelry person. I think that less is more. So my regular jewelry includes my ring and my watch. To not have 50% of my regular accessories was weird. I didn't like it. Not one bit!

My wedding ring has become a part of me. It is an extension of me. I have to wear it. I love wearing it. And in these part weeks, I wore a substitute ring. Not the same at all. It felt different, not the same size or weight. There was an impostor on my finger! I was very anxious to get my ring back.

And it came! Yesterday! I was actually sitting on my deck reading, watching the cars go by, waiting for the UPS truck to show up. I even postponed grocery shopping until my ring arrived! And when the UPS guy FINALLY came, I ripped open the box like I was 6 years old on Christmas morning!

Oh it feels so good on my finger! I feel whole again! I feel complete! And I'm not having anxieties anymore. I was actually very worried that I would not have it back by the 5th, when Earl and I are sealed, not that we need rings for our sealing, I just wanted to feel complete!

So does anyone else feel like me? Do you have the same apprehensions about being without your wedding ring? And I know it's different when you're pregnant and your fingers swell so much you can't wear your ring. But you still have it in your possession. Mine was in another state! 1500 miles away! Maybe I'm just weird, but it feels good to have it back...!

Playing Catch Up

It has finally happened. I have time and energy to post something new!

Oh this last month and a half has been killer on me. Actually longer than that. Okay, let's back up to about May 1st. Earl and I got the go ahead to start working on fixing up our new home. We were able to get a great deal on a 1 bedroom 1 bathroom home on Balboa Island to rent for at least a year. And part of that deal was to provide the labor to update/upgrade the property. So the first step was to pull up the carpet in the living room. Oh man! The previous tenant was a smoker and had a dog. So needless to say, but I'm going to anyway, the carpet was stinky!!!

So the carpet was out, next was the paint! We picked out a really pretty brown. It's soft, almost the color of chocolate cake batter before it's baked. And that's what it looked like in the paint can too! Then the bedroom had to be painted. Same soft brown. Then it was the kitchen's turn. Earl painted that a dark cranberry color-very pretty and dramatic. Next was the bathroom in a bold almost periwinkle color, but with more blue in it. And all the trim is done in a bright frost white for a strong contrast.

The paint looks great. So then the next step was to put in the new hardwood floors. Living room was done first, then the bedroom. Then we pulled up the vinyl in the bathroom to find lots of water and termite damage. Oh yeah, there was termite damage in the living room. Earl's dad was able to repair the damage in both locations so that we could continue with the renovations. We even have cedar flooring in the closet too. That was Earl's doing. I'll admit, it's a nice smell. It was very strong at first and I had issues with it, but I've gotten used to it.

So while all this was going on, we still needed to pack up our apartment, and I was still working. So I haven't had much time for anything! But we finally got everything packed, the boxes moved and unpacked, and I have a moment to myself tonight to write.

We have been in our new place for three weeks now. It looks and feels like a home and that is what I love most. I have pictures on the walls, the bookcase filled with my beloved books, and a bed I can crawl into when I want to hide from the world.

Earl and I also received a letter from the First Presidency granting us the sealing clearance we've been waiting for. We have set the date for June 5th for us to be sealed for time and eternity. We've been waiting for a long time for this and are so excited that we get to do this.

And wouldn't you know that the day after I called the temple to schedule the sealing, I was at work and a diamond fell out of my wedding ring! So it is currently at the jewelers being repaired. And I'm really hoping to get it back by the 5th. Not that we need rings, the ceremony is so much more than a ring. I just don't like being without it!

So that is pretty much what I've been doing the last 2 months. And I even bought some flowers for my deck. Some red and yellow snapdragons and some other flower that looks similar to a daisy, but I can't remember what it's called.

Now I just need motivation to go fold laundry!

NEWS!!!

WE'RE GETTING SEALED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

more to come soon...!

WANTED: Decapitation!

Well, the whole no soda/caffeine thing didn't really work.

No, that's not true. It may have worked. But Friday night at around 930 my head started to hurt. I wasn't about to take an excedrin (which has caffeine) right before bed and then have trouble sleeping. So I had a little snack before bed and went to sleep.

Woke up at about 215am to use the restroom and my head was still pounding. Then my alarm went off at 530 and my day began.

And there was no relief in sight. You see, it was swallows weekend in San Juan Capistrano. It's the time of year that those birds come back to the area. And they have a parade. And people get drunk. And then they fight. And let's just say that alcohol is not a good additive to a population of over 75,000 in one city for one day.

So we were busy. I wanted to curl up in a ball and sleep. Oh how I wanted sleep! But by about 430pm, I had had some food, and two wonderful prescription pills in my system and was feeling almost human again.

I really wish that I didn't get migraines. They are horrible and debilitating. And I just plain don't like them! Then again, I can't think of anyone who does...

So that was my weekend...How was yours?

(Okay, I don't REALLY want to cut off my head, but sometimes it's the only way I think the pain would go away.)

Confession

I caved. I was bad. I didn't keep my word.

I had a Coke.

Please don't be mad at me. I have a good reason! This whole daylight savings thing has messed up my schedule! And I spent the night on Sunday at my in-law's with the dogs. I laid (not slept) on the couch. The dogs walked on me. Then the one dog started whining at around 4am. My alarm went off at 530. Work started at 7. And went til 7.

I had a coke with breakfast. Please say it's okay! Please don't tell me I'm going to hell for drinking a coke.......

I will do whatever I need to to repent of this. Do I need to call my bishop? Man, I hope not, since Earl and I sent in all the paperwork for our sealing. It would just devastate me to be denied that all because of one little coke!

Oh yeah, did I mention that? Earl and I met with our Stake President to finalize our paperwork and it has been sent off to Salt Lake for review!! I'll keep you guys posted on that!

Yay For Me!

So I didn't really think that I would go this far, but I have almost completely cut soda from my diet. It all started as me trying to not drink caffeinated soda like Coke, Dr. Pepper, and my favorite, Mt. Dew Code Red.

You see, I get headaches. Bad ones. And my body is very sensitive to caffeine. So when I drink a coke every day with lunch and then suddenly don't have one, my head starts to pound. And the only way to please the Headache God is to give an offering of caffeine, either through a soda or my favorite, Excedrin (which has caffeine in it as well).

So for the past 2 weeks I have been substituting water or juice or milk for the soda. I'm doing good so far. I've had just two sodas, and I didn't even drink the whole thing. I can't say that my headaches have gone away, I don't think they ever will. But if this helps, then it is a lifestyle/diet change for life!!

One More Thing...

Okay, I know I said I was done! I forgot to say that I finally got the matching band to my engagement ring! Earl and I couldn't afford the nice rings we wanted when we got married. But we have been blessed to be able to get them now. Earl's is a tungsten carbide with a black carbon fiber inlay. Yay for rings that will last forever!!

You can see Earl's here and mine here.

Love them!!!