I have many jumbled thoughts tonight. Please bear with me as I try to get it all out.
I will start by saying that I love my family. There have been ups and downs in our relationship. The downs were pretty low sometimes. But my family didn't leave me.
And I didn't leave them.
There were times that I wanted to. I wanted to this world. I used to think that my life was horrible and no one loved me. But then I thought of my family. Thought of how sad they would be if I left. I wanted my baby brother to know me when he got older.
So I stayed.
And the tables have turned slightly. I tend to have a "worst case scenario" mind sometimes. I think it just comes with the job. And I have worried about one of my family members leaving me. And I start to cry. So I think of something else.
A family that I know is going through this right now. Their son took his own life. While they are active members of the church, my heart aches for what they are feeling right now.
I know that families are forever. I am lucky enough to be connected to my family, my husband, and my husband's family. I know that we will be together after we die. This knowledge I think helps to ease the pain of a family member passing away. But there is still that sting right after it happens. I've seen it happen to people I love. To people I don't know. To people I will never see again.
What and how we feel makes us human. Sometimes the feelings overwhelm us and we aren't able to function. I believe that with the comforting arms of our Savior, Jesus Christ, around us, we can overcome any obstacle we come to.
When we made the decision to come to Earth, we knew we would face trials. But those trials would be worth it to have a body. Sometimes I doubt that I am strong enough to face what life throws at me. And sometimes I go crashing head-on into those trials.
It's all a matter of perspective.
Please, keep this family in your prayers. I believe they could use a lot of love and support right now.
And now I need to go to bed before I turn into a pumpkin.
Monday, May 23, 2011
Friday, May 6, 2011
Dreams and Lions
I couldn't sleep last night. So now I'm up and blogging. You guys get to reap the benefits of my lack of sleep! Aren't you so lucky?
So two nights ago I had some odd dreams. One was of a family reunion. We were in a very strange area and it was just weird. I won't go in to details because it wasn't that important.
The other dream I had was set back in Plano, in our old house. I was 9. Tyler was a baby. I was babysitting. And he had fallen asleep for a nap so I went to put him in his crib only to find the side railing was broken and I needed to fix it. So I put Tyler in the guest room on a mattress that was on the floor (to my memory, there was never just a mattress on the floor but a full size bed with a wrought iron (or was it cast iron?) head/foot board). I went about fixing the crib. And that's about all of the dream, I won't bore you with little details.
I believe that the reason I had this dream was because right before going to bed, I had texted with my mom that Tyler was going to be ordained an Elder this Sunday at church. I have a hard time coming to the realization that my little baby brother is growing up.
Well I WAS going to share some pictures of how big he's gotten, but they aren't working. So my baby brother is now about 6'4" and 215lb. This last year in football, he was a head taller than everybody else. He just passed his Eagle Board of Review, and in that picture is taller than all the leaders. Then I was going to share a picture from when he was like 12 or 13 and was a scrawny little redhead with glasses and so adorable! But you will have to take my word for it!
My baby brother is growing up. He's going to college next year. University of Utah to be exact. And then he's going on a mission. He isn't 2 and curled up on my lap like a little baby lion anymore (The Lion King came out about that age and we watched it 2-3 times a day). But I still love this kid. I'm happy to see that he is progressing in life.
And last night, who knows why I couldn't sleep. Woke up at 0230 burning up and had to turn the fan on. Tossed and turned the rest of the night. So I hope that tonight brings more sleep to me! I do love sleep. And food.
So two nights ago I had some odd dreams. One was of a family reunion. We were in a very strange area and it was just weird. I won't go in to details because it wasn't that important.
The other dream I had was set back in Plano, in our old house. I was 9. Tyler was a baby. I was babysitting. And he had fallen asleep for a nap so I went to put him in his crib only to find the side railing was broken and I needed to fix it. So I put Tyler in the guest room on a mattress that was on the floor (to my memory, there was never just a mattress on the floor but a full size bed with a wrought iron (or was it cast iron?) head/foot board). I went about fixing the crib. And that's about all of the dream, I won't bore you with little details.
I believe that the reason I had this dream was because right before going to bed, I had texted with my mom that Tyler was going to be ordained an Elder this Sunday at church. I have a hard time coming to the realization that my little baby brother is growing up.
Well I WAS going to share some pictures of how big he's gotten, but they aren't working. So my baby brother is now about 6'4" and 215lb. This last year in football, he was a head taller than everybody else. He just passed his Eagle Board of Review, and in that picture is taller than all the leaders. Then I was going to share a picture from when he was like 12 or 13 and was a scrawny little redhead with glasses and so adorable! But you will have to take my word for it!
My baby brother is growing up. He's going to college next year. University of Utah to be exact. And then he's going on a mission. He isn't 2 and curled up on my lap like a little baby lion anymore (The Lion King came out about that age and we watched it 2-3 times a day). But I still love this kid. I'm happy to see that he is progressing in life.
And last night, who knows why I couldn't sleep. Woke up at 0230 burning up and had to turn the fan on. Tossed and turned the rest of the night. So I hope that tonight brings more sleep to me! I do love sleep. And food.
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