Ramblings of the Night

I have many jumbled thoughts tonight. Please bear with me as I try to get it all out.

I will start by saying that I love my family. There have been ups and downs in our relationship. The downs were pretty low sometimes. But my family didn't leave me.

And I didn't leave them.

There were times that I wanted to. I wanted to this world. I used to think that my life was horrible and no one loved me. But then I thought of my family. Thought of how sad they would be if I left. I wanted my baby brother to know me when he got older.

So I stayed.

And the tables have turned slightly. I tend to have a "worst case scenario" mind sometimes. I think it just comes with the job. And I have worried about one of my family members leaving me. And I start to cry. So I think of something else.

A family that I know is going through this right now. Their son took his own life. While they are active members of the church, my heart aches for what they are feeling right now.

I know that families are forever. I am lucky enough to be connected to my family, my husband, and my husband's family. I know that we will be together after we die. This knowledge I think helps to ease the pain of a family member passing away. But there is still that sting right after it happens. I've seen it happen to people I love. To people I don't know. To people I will never see again.

What and how we feel makes us human. Sometimes the feelings overwhelm us and we aren't able to function. I believe that with the comforting arms of our Savior, Jesus Christ, around us, we can overcome any obstacle we come to.

When we made the decision to come to Earth, we knew we would face trials. But those trials would be worth it to have a body. Sometimes I doubt that I am strong enough to face what life throws at me. And sometimes I go crashing head-on into those trials.

It's all a matter of perspective.

Please, keep this family in your prayers. I believe they could use a lot of love and support right now.

And now I need to go to bed before I turn into a pumpkin.