over it tonight

Alright. Heres the scoop. i am on my phone to type this and it doesnt like punctuation. mainly apostrophes. nor is it consistent with capitalization. and theres no auto correct for spelling.

im at work at the moment and i have had one of the worst shifts possible. its been the kind of night where ihave no confidence amd second guess myself left amd right. im at the point in training where i ahould be doing everything on my own. but im not. ive shown that i am capable of soing this job. tonight just isnt that night.

ugh. sorry for the woe is me post. i just reallu needed to get this off my chest and ouy of my head.

i have a wonderful husbamd who is so supportive of me. he lnows im having a rough time right now and he is my rock. im grateful that he is a worthy priesthood holder. he is there fore and telling me what i need to hear.

i apologize for the horrible spelling and other errors in this post. i kind of dont care, but whats one wonky post amid so manyk?

and my pity party is complete. carry on!

A Little Heavy?

I know so many of you are sick of the political ads, phone calls, commercials, etc. I am too.

But today I am torn with emotions: fear, anxiety, anticipation, elation.

I fear for the future if our country's leadership doesn't improve.

I fear for the future of my family's well-being.

I understand that this fear is crippling and I try to not let it get to me.

I anxiously anticipate the outcome of today's election. No other election that I've been alive for (or aware of) has been so important.

I will probably cry tonight, one way or the other. Tears of happiness and hope if a certain person is elected.

Tears of frustration and fear if another.

This is an emotional time for our country. I'm not saying this to sway one's vote a certain direction.

These are just a brief glimpse into my thoughts and feelings of late.

I want so badly to be able to make a living. To live, not just survive. I want my money to mean something when I go grocery shopping. I want to live in a place where it is safe and prosperous. I would like to bring children into this world without fear for their future.

To live in a place where God and family come first. Where I'm not afraid for my own retirement. For my parents' retirement.

I want to live.

Do you?

Honesty

This post is probably not what you think.

I have not been honest with myself. And the truth hit me today like a ton of bricks.

I can rationalize with the best of them, believe me! A lot of what I'm thinking and feeling tonight is my own perception. I'm not looking for for people to disagree or coddle and I'm certainly not looking for compliments.

I am not overweight. I am not fat. I am 6 feet tall. I don't want to look like I'm starving. I don't want to starve myself.

But gosh darn it, I am not happy about my body right now.

I have started working out. Not a huge overhaul, just a workout routine or two when I come home from work. I have determined that the best way to not lose momentum and motivation is to work out immediately when I get home from work. Otherwise I sit on the sofa and don't move again for the rest of the night.

I stepped on the scale at work today. I was very disheartened to see the numbers. I will not weigh 145lbs ever again. If I do, somebody come feed me a cheeseburger! And while I know that I am not in danger of becoming obese, I do want to bring that number down a bit. (Heaven help me if I ever get pregnant for it won't take much for me to top 200 on that evil scale!)

I am more concerned with how my clothes fit. I'll admit, my jeans are snug. I couldn't wear a skirt to church on Sunday because I couldn't zip it up. My nicer shirts are snug. I really don't want to go up a size, mainly because I hate shopping and I don't have the money to spend on new clothes anyway!

I want to feel good. Confident. Happy.

So I spent 15 minutes on the elliptical tonight.

And quickly demolished all the good by eating a bowl of Cap'n Crunch Crunchberries for dinner.

Baby steps, right?

Slacking Off

Okay, I know that I've been slacking the last month. Or more. It's not that I've been avoiding my blog, it's just that I haven't felt a burning desire to write anything.

I suppose I should start with the most recent event, as it is the most exciting.

Earl has a job!! After many months and countless prayers, Earl secured a job this week. He starts out as part-time at a luggage shop in the Chandler mall. The company is expanding and will be opening another location in Scottsdale in about a month. After the new store opens, Earl will be full-time. He has been able to work out to have Thursday nights off for school (more on that in a bit) and Sundays for church. This has been the job that we have been praying for for so long. We have truly been blessed this week!

Earl has also enrolled in an online program through BYU Idaho. This is also a great opportunity. He will be able to eventually get his BS through this program. Very exciting!!

So as I write this, Earl is at work and I kind of don't know what to do with myself. I've watched about as much TV as I can handle, although NetFlix has a lot of new additions that I want to see. The dishes are done, and I don't really feel like doing laundry. We're okay on clothes anyway.

For now I have a kitty napping on my lap so I guess I'm stuck for a while.

Oh, and we will most likely be coming to CA in October for a weekend. I've been able to secure the time off from work, now Earl has to do the same. It will be nice to come back for a visit and bring back some items that we forgot to pack.

Hmm...dinner for one...better figure it out!

Pictures!

Okay, remember that we are still organizing and trying to figure where some things will go. But for now, these will have to do!

Living Room

 Kitchen (Earl cleaning up after dinner)

 Bedroom

 Bedroom again

 Walk-in closet!!

 Bathroom (I have counter space, drawers, AND cupboards!)

So that's the quick tour. Time to throw my swimsuit on and chill in the hot tub before that thunderhead gets any closer!

Hello from the Desert!

Well! It's been a busy week! We packed up, loaded the truck, and drove out! We even had a helper in the packing process:

We left bright and early on Friday, July 13. It was a pretty uneventful drive from Newport Beach, CA to Gilbert, AZ. There was a good rainstorm that we drove through. Didn't wash the car nearly as well as I had hoped. Sage was a real trooper on the drive. She took to hiding most of the way:

We signed our lease, got our keys, and moved in. Sage and the litter box went straight away to the bathroom so that there wouldn't be any "accidents" or escape attempts. After a little while, I went to check on her and she was hiding inside the litter box, scared out of her mind. I felt so bad for her. Eventually she came out, had some water, and started reaching under the bathroom door, trying to get out. She has since adapted very well!

We have unpacked almost everything. There are still some random boxes here and there. They will probably stay that way for awhile. My goal for today was/is to organize our patio. Right now all of our empty boxes are piled up and it is impossible to go outside. Not that I necessarily want to go outside right now. It's probably close to 100 by now. But I would like to get our little outside storage organized and move boxes that will not be used anytime soon out there.

I have put pictures on the walls. I have blankets and throw pillows on the sofa. We have filled our closet with clothes, shoes, and other things. I had to purchase door hanging shoe racks for my shoes. They work quite well. The TV and computer are set up. The internet is connected.

We are moving in.

I still need to do more grocery shopping. Due to space and time constraints, we weren't able to bring every food item with us. So that area is a little bare at the moment. But it will come. My kitchen is fairly good-sized. Lots of counter space. Cupboard and drawer space is less than we had previously, but I am adapting. I have cooked in my new kitchen and it is quite nice. I'm back to an electric stove, which will take some getting used to. And the first meal I cooked was of course, macaroni and cheese.

I have determined that I need another bookcase. Now that I know what space I have, I can begin to shop for one. Earl would say I have too many books. I say he needs to keep his mouth shut and read one or two of them!

Once things are in order and as they should be, I will take pictures to share what our new home looks like.

Time to go change the laundry!

Last Day in California

It's 0814 on Thursday, July 12, 2012. This is our last full day in California.

And I'm not 100% packed.

I have this morning to pack up the pantry and bathroom. There are odds and ends of "stuff" laying around. At this point, I want to just throw it all away. I'm sick of packing. We haven't really cleaned yet. Good thing cleaning doesn't take too long.

My walls are barren. The computer and desk are packed away. My feet are currently propped up on a plastic bin because my coffee table is downstairs. All of our cleaning supplies are lined up on the kitchen counter, just waiting to be used.

And what am I doing? Sitting on my butt blogging! That's a good use of my time! But I am feeling very reflective this morning. And I wanted to be able to capture this moment. The sun is up but hiding behind the marine layer of clouds. The island is waking up and cars are driving by. Trucks are making their morning deliveries. Every now and then I hear a bird chirp. We don't have pretty songbirds here. Mainly crows, pigeons, and sea gulls.

It's still a bit chilly. Probably the 60's. I would be more comfortable with a sweater on, but this should serve as motivation for me to get up and working.

It's not working...

I may need a procrastination intervention.

Or just a swift kick in the bum.

Scared to Death and Saddling up Anyway

My life is about to change in a big way. Tomorrow afternoon we pick up our moving truck and with the help from friends at church, we will load up everything we own tomorrow night. Early Friday morning Earl will drive the truck as I drive our car to the desert.

We are moving.

It seems so final. Yet I know that we will be back to visit. It's not like we're gone forever. Or going to another continent.

Yesterday a wonderful friend gave me a going-away present. It is a handmade silver bracelet that says, "Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." It captured my emotions and I am so grateful to this woman.

I am scared to move. We are removing ourselves from our comfort zone. We are leaving the nest of our families. We are leaving behind our friends. But we are going anyway.

There is hope through all the sadness that moving brings. I have hope that we will save money in our new apartment. I have hope that Earl will find gainful employment. I have hope that he will be able to finish school. I have hope that one day we will be blessed with children. I have hope that we will begin to live, not just survive.

Our clothes are packed. Our shoes are packed. Half of the furniture is already in the garage waiting to be loaded. Today we are tackling the kitchen and food. Tomorrow, everything must be packed for it will be loaded regardless.

We start a new chapter in life this week. I'm scared to death, but I'm doing it anyway.

Escapees from the Mental Hospital

Or perhaps a better title is that we should be put into a mental institution.


Anyway, it's official!

We are moving to Arizona next month! My official start date is July 16, 1012 with the Gilbert Police Department as a 911 Operator.

I'm excited and nervous and excited and scared and did I mention that I'm excited? It's scary to think about us starting over in a new location. But I know it's where we are supposed to go and what we are supposed to do. I never though I would live in the desert. I hear it gets pretty hot...

We now have to finalize with the apartment complex out there. Last week we put a hold on a unit. Now I have to fax over some pay stubs to show that we qualify for low-income rent. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that! The apartment complex that we have chosen is right down the street from the police station. Like I could walk there. It's a corner one bedroom unit with a washer and dryer, walk-in closet, ceiling fans, and newer appliances in the kitchen. It has 810 ft2 so It's a bit bigger than our current home. And so long as we qualify for the low-income rent (which we should and I've never been so happy to be poor in all my life) our monthly rent would be $562. $562! Holy cow, that's cutting our current rent in half! More than half! Ack! That's awesome!!!

So yes. That's the most recent bit of news.

Also, my baby brother is now a missionary for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints! My parents are driving, as we speak, to Provo, UT where he will report to the Missionary Training Center tomorrow. He will be serving in Lansing, Michigan for the next two years. I am so proud of Tyler. I know he has the power and ability to become great. He can have such an impact for good upon the lives of the people of Michigan if he puts his mind and heart into his service.

I know that he will not be able to read this post (not that he ever did to begin with) but I love him. I'm so pleased that he has followed through with the decision to serve a mission. He will be a great example to those around him.

Now it's time to start packing...

Busy Week

Well, it's Monday.

Not my favorite day.

The next 7 days will be extremely busy for me. I'm working today. When I get home tonight, I have to do some laundry and pack.

Tomorrow Earl and I are heading back to Arizona for my medical and psych evaluations.

Wednesday morning I have my written psych exam.

Thursday morning I have my medical exam. Thursday afternoon I am meeting with a psychologist.

And then we drive home Thursday evening.

Friday and Saturday I have to work.

Sunday is Father's Day.

Sunday is also when Tyler gives his farewell talk in church.

My parents are driving him up to the MTC (Missionary Training Center) in Provo, UT on Tuesday. He reports on Wednesday.

Typing that brought tears to my eyes. I'm so happy for him to go. He will be a great missionary. I love him with all my heart and I will miss him. I wish him luck, health, happiness, and so much more as he enters the mission field.

I'm tired just thinking ahead to this week. I'm thinking that when all this craziness is over I will sleep for an entire day.

At least I dream of sleeping for a whole day, and a girl can dream, right?