And I don't know what.
I'm happy today. I've been relatively happy since Friday. And this includes while I'm at work.
Shocker.
I'm not sure what has made the difference. I had a bit of a breakdown last week. Maybe when I released all that negative energy and feelings it was like a cleanse of some sort. Who knows. But I'm feeling good.
I am still having nagging headaches, like every day. And no amount of Tylenol will completely take away the pain. But these aren't migraines, so I don't feel like I need to go super hardcore on meds. So instead I make sure to eat as often as possible and to take the Tylenol regularly.
I am trying to not let the work stress get to me. Although there was a moment yesterday when I was experiencing some serious tension. And the headache that came with it was painful, still not a migraine, but just downright annoying. So I went to bed propped up on pillows. And slept the whole night.
And today I'm sleepy. I want more sleep. But I am at work and don't get to take a nap. Oh how I wish I could. Guess that means I'll sleep well tonight!
Monday, January 30, 2012
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Paranoia or My Fault?
Ever wonder if you are imagining things? If you're being paranoid? Or are you justified in your feelings?
That's where I'm at today.
There have been some things going on at work lately. I won't go into detail. Let's just leave it at not good things. Some of it has been going on for a year or more. Some as recent as today. And I wonder if I am imagining things. If I think things are much more sinister than they appear. Am I just overly sensitive? Am I seeing ghosts? Shadows in every corner?
I can't tell.
I am super stressed because of my job. I believe it is affecting my sleep. And turning my face into a playground for acne. Yum.
Talking about my feelings hasn't seemed to help much. I just get more upset and worked up over what's going on. Or isn't going on since I can't tell anymore.
I need a place of refuge. Peace. Comfort. Someplace where I can feel safe and protected. A place where I know that the issues at hand will be kept at bay.
A vacation.
A new job.
I'm trying for the latter. I have been selected to go back for oral boards for the Gilbert, AZ position. But I don't know when. And that stresses me too.
I have too much stress in my life right now.
I'm going to try yoga. I have a mat. Don't have a DVD or class or anything, but it's a start. Hoping it will help both my mind and body.
Only time will tell.
That's where I'm at today.
There have been some things going on at work lately. I won't go into detail. Let's just leave it at not good things. Some of it has been going on for a year or more. Some as recent as today. And I wonder if I am imagining things. If I think things are much more sinister than they appear. Am I just overly sensitive? Am I seeing ghosts? Shadows in every corner?
I can't tell.
I am super stressed because of my job. I believe it is affecting my sleep. And turning my face into a playground for acne. Yum.
Talking about my feelings hasn't seemed to help much. I just get more upset and worked up over what's going on. Or isn't going on since I can't tell anymore.
I need a place of refuge. Peace. Comfort. Someplace where I can feel safe and protected. A place where I know that the issues at hand will be kept at bay.
A vacation.
A new job.
I'm trying for the latter. I have been selected to go back for oral boards for the Gilbert, AZ position. But I don't know when. And that stresses me too.
I have too much stress in my life right now.
I'm going to try yoga. I have a mat. Don't have a DVD or class or anything, but it's a start. Hoping it will help both my mind and body.
Only time will tell.
Monday, January 16, 2012
Bitter, Party of One?
Okay so yesterday was not really a good day. I totally woke up on the wrong side of the bed. And then I couldn't find my undershirt and so I had to change my wardrobe choice for church at the last minute.
And I didn't have time to flat-iron my hair.
I know, the horror!
So Earl and I went on our merry way to church by way of picking up and elderly brother and somewhat disabled sister. I was bad, I didn't want to make small talk with them on the way to church. Is it really that hard? No, I was just in a funk and didn't want to. I know, I'm bad.
And when we got to church, the chapel was filling quickly and the overflow was already full. There was a missionary farewell. You know, one of those things that was discontinued like 10 years ago? Where the music, speakers, and prayers are all centered on the missionary? Yeah, one of those.
It irked me a bit.
I sang the songs, because well, they were songs I liked and knew. But I was irritated. Wondering why this kid is so special that he gets to go against what the church said. Why he gets a farewell when my younger brother will be heading out in a few months and I know he won't have the big huge sendoff.
I was asking lots of bitter "why" questions during church. I wasn't really paying attention.
Like I said, I was bad.
What are your opinions of the whole farewell thing? I kind of like how there isn't a big deal about them leaving. This is a humble time in a young man or woman's life. They are giving years of their life to serve God. They are not being paid. They have to dress in a suit or dress/skirt every day. They don't watch TV. They don't get to go to the movies. Or date. This is a selfless time. And I love how when a missionary goes out into the field, their last Sunday at church is like normal. They give a talk based on missionary work, or whatever topic they are assigned. The focus is on the gospel, not the person.
So please, tell me your thoughts. I know I handled the situation poorly, and I am sorry for it. I would really like to know how other people feel on the issue.
Ready, set, share!
And I didn't have time to flat-iron my hair.
I know, the horror!
So Earl and I went on our merry way to church by way of picking up and elderly brother and somewhat disabled sister. I was bad, I didn't want to make small talk with them on the way to church. Is it really that hard? No, I was just in a funk and didn't want to. I know, I'm bad.
And when we got to church, the chapel was filling quickly and the overflow was already full. There was a missionary farewell. You know, one of those things that was discontinued like 10 years ago? Where the music, speakers, and prayers are all centered on the missionary? Yeah, one of those.
It irked me a bit.
I sang the songs, because well, they were songs I liked and knew. But I was irritated. Wondering why this kid is so special that he gets to go against what the church said. Why he gets a farewell when my younger brother will be heading out in a few months and I know he won't have the big huge sendoff.
I was asking lots of bitter "why" questions during church. I wasn't really paying attention.
Like I said, I was bad.
What are your opinions of the whole farewell thing? I kind of like how there isn't a big deal about them leaving. This is a humble time in a young man or woman's life. They are giving years of their life to serve God. They are not being paid. They have to dress in a suit or dress/skirt every day. They don't watch TV. They don't get to go to the movies. Or date. This is a selfless time. And I love how when a missionary goes out into the field, their last Sunday at church is like normal. They give a talk based on missionary work, or whatever topic they are assigned. The focus is on the gospel, not the person.
So please, tell me your thoughts. I know I handled the situation poorly, and I am sorry for it. I would really like to know how other people feel on the issue.
Ready, set, share!
Thursday, January 12, 2012
I got a much-anticipated e-mail today.
I passed the last test I took for AZ.
And I'm moving on to the next step: Oral Boards.
It's my understanding that oral boards are basically a panel interview.
Guess I need to go shopping for a new outfit.
I passed the last test I took for AZ.
And I'm moving on to the next step: Oral Boards.
It's my understanding that oral boards are basically a panel interview.
Guess I need to go shopping for a new outfit.
Off Morning
Woke up today with a pounding in my head. My teeth were clenched. Must've had a rough night. Yet I slept through most of it.
Our landlord's realtor is showing our place this morning. Earl cleaned the kitchen, table, and living room last night. I've been folding laundry. I'm not excited that people want to see the place.
#1-It's just a pain in the butt
#2-If the place gets sold, it's not likely the new owners want renters and would be tearing down the place.
#3-If AZ doesn't work out, we would need to find a new place to live. (No I didn't call them, I'm giving them until the 15th. Then I will call.)
#4-As much as I enjoy a clean home, I hate having to clean it for complete strangers. Such a hassle for someone who will only be here for about 5-10 minutes.
And that's my morning. They will be here in just under 2 hours.
Better go fold some more laundry.
Our landlord's realtor is showing our place this morning. Earl cleaned the kitchen, table, and living room last night. I've been folding laundry. I'm not excited that people want to see the place.
#1-It's just a pain in the butt
#2-If the place gets sold, it's not likely the new owners want renters and would be tearing down the place.
#3-If AZ doesn't work out, we would need to find a new place to live. (No I didn't call them, I'm giving them until the 15th. Then I will call.)
#4-As much as I enjoy a clean home, I hate having to clean it for complete strangers. Such a hassle for someone who will only be here for about 5-10 minutes.
And that's my morning. They will be here in just under 2 hours.
Better go fold some more laundry.
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
From Where I'm Sitting
I have discovered that I do most of my "thinking" while at work. This is probably because I have time to sit and do nothing. Well, not nothing exactly, but there is down-time. And I always liked to write, so why not fill my down-time with blogging? Because we all know that by the time I get home from work I am tired, hungry, and just want to lay in bed.
It is now the 10th of January. I haven't heard back from AZ about the job. I was told not to expect to hear anything until after the first of the year. Well, I'm still waiting! So I will give them a call tomorrow. If I can muster the courage to call.
I really am hoping that this job works out. I'm not thrilled about leaving family and friends, but I feel that this is a good opportunity to move forward with life. I would be making less than I make now, but not by much. Also, apartments are way cheaper out there.
I'm not sure though if my positive thinking is just me being hopeful or someone else saying that yes, this is where I'm to go.
Sometimes I'm a little dense when it comes to answers. Can't help it. I'm blonde.
From where I'm sitting the future is pretty foggy. Like pea soup foggy. I'm hoping that soon I will work my way to the edge of that fog and I will be able to see clearly. Like a few weeks ago when I was driving down the freeway on my way to work and visibility was at about 100ft. I could see a hazy light underneath and then all of a sudden the fog lifted and I could see the sunrise. It wasn't the most beautiful sunrise, but to break free of the fog was glorious. To suddenly be washed in early light was refreshing. So just like I was driving through the fog, I have to move forward in life. I can't wait for the sun to burn off the fog. I'll be waiting hours if I did.
Wow, that was a little too thoughtful for a Tuesday. Sorry, please forgive me!
In other news, I don't have any. Have a wonderful day!
It is now the 10th of January. I haven't heard back from AZ about the job. I was told not to expect to hear anything until after the first of the year. Well, I'm still waiting! So I will give them a call tomorrow. If I can muster the courage to call.
I really am hoping that this job works out. I'm not thrilled about leaving family and friends, but I feel that this is a good opportunity to move forward with life. I would be making less than I make now, but not by much. Also, apartments are way cheaper out there.
I'm not sure though if my positive thinking is just me being hopeful or someone else saying that yes, this is where I'm to go.
Sometimes I'm a little dense when it comes to answers. Can't help it. I'm blonde.
From where I'm sitting the future is pretty foggy. Like pea soup foggy. I'm hoping that soon I will work my way to the edge of that fog and I will be able to see clearly. Like a few weeks ago when I was driving down the freeway on my way to work and visibility was at about 100ft. I could see a hazy light underneath and then all of a sudden the fog lifted and I could see the sunrise. It wasn't the most beautiful sunrise, but to break free of the fog was glorious. To suddenly be washed in early light was refreshing. So just like I was driving through the fog, I have to move forward in life. I can't wait for the sun to burn off the fog. I'll be waiting hours if I did.
Wow, that was a little too thoughtful for a Tuesday. Sorry, please forgive me!
In other news, I don't have any. Have a wonderful day!
Monday, January 9, 2012
Resolutions? Naw...
Do you like to make New Year's Resolutions? You do? I'm sorry, we can no longer be friends.
Just kidding.
Kind of.
I think I used to like to make them. The whole self-improvement thing, you know? I always say that I want to get in shape. That seems to be popular with the mass population. And 24 Hour Fitness.
Last year, I think, I said I was going to write something every day. That wasn't so much of a resolution though, because it wasn't in January when I said it. So for me to say that I want to blog more often, I suppose it is a resolution of sorts. And if I keep it vague, by say, not attaching a number to it, I'm okay. Right? Like I won't say that I will write a post every day. Or every other day. Or even once a week. Well, once a week might be doable. But I'm not going to commit to it.
Does that mean I have commitment issues?
I have a hard time posting often because I don't feel that I have anything worthwhile to share. I very rarely have pictures to post because I don't do anything! I'm kind of a homebody. I go to work, I go home. I shower and get in bed and watch an episode or two of "Burn Notice" on NetFlix. Earl and I don't go out and do stuff. We try to have a date night once a week. Usually that consists of dinner. Maybe a movie. And we don't have kids. So I don't have fun/crazy/silly/destructive stories to tell.
I have a cat.
I refuse to be the crazy cat lady. So I don't post pictures of her in cute little outfits.
Mainly because she would claw me to death if I tried to put on on her.
But she is cute. She is 9 months old now. She still curls up super tiny and cute.
I'm not the crazy cat lady.
So maybe I can do a post a week. Maybe. I might be able to scrounge up enough to jabber about for a post. If not, just remember that I didn't commit to a specific number of posts so if I don't post, I cannot be held accountable. Okay?
Okay!
Just kidding.
Kind of.
I think I used to like to make them. The whole self-improvement thing, you know? I always say that I want to get in shape. That seems to be popular with the mass population. And 24 Hour Fitness.
Last year, I think, I said I was going to write something every day. That wasn't so much of a resolution though, because it wasn't in January when I said it. So for me to say that I want to blog more often, I suppose it is a resolution of sorts. And if I keep it vague, by say, not attaching a number to it, I'm okay. Right? Like I won't say that I will write a post every day. Or every other day. Or even once a week. Well, once a week might be doable. But I'm not going to commit to it.
Does that mean I have commitment issues?
I have a hard time posting often because I don't feel that I have anything worthwhile to share. I very rarely have pictures to post because I don't do anything! I'm kind of a homebody. I go to work, I go home. I shower and get in bed and watch an episode or two of "Burn Notice" on NetFlix. Earl and I don't go out and do stuff. We try to have a date night once a week. Usually that consists of dinner. Maybe a movie. And we don't have kids. So I don't have fun/crazy/silly/destructive stories to tell.
I have a cat.
I refuse to be the crazy cat lady. So I don't post pictures of her in cute little outfits.
Mainly because she would claw me to death if I tried to put on on her.
But she is cute. She is 9 months old now. She still curls up super tiny and cute.
I'm not the crazy cat lady.
So maybe I can do a post a week. Maybe. I might be able to scrounge up enough to jabber about for a post. If not, just remember that I didn't commit to a specific number of posts so if I don't post, I cannot be held accountable. Okay?
Okay!
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
The Gift of Song
Where can I turn for peace?
Where is my solace
When other sources cease to make me whole?
When with a wounded heart, anger, or malice,
I draw myself apart, searching my soul?
Where when my aching grows,
Where, when I languish,
Where, in my need to know,
Where can I run?
Where is the quiet hand to calm my anguish?
Who, who can understand?
He, only one.
He answers privately,
Reaches my reaching
In my Gethsemane, Savior and Friend.
Gentle the peace he finds for my beseeching.
Constant he is and kind,
Love, without end.
~Emma Lou Thayne, Hymn #129 "Where Can I Turn for Peace?"
Where is my solace
When other sources cease to make me whole?
When with a wounded heart, anger, or malice,
I draw myself apart, searching my soul?
Where when my aching grows,
Where, when I languish,
Where, in my need to know,
Where can I run?
Where is the quiet hand to calm my anguish?
Who, who can understand?
He, only one.
He answers privately,
Reaches my reaching
In my Gethsemane, Savior and Friend.
Gentle the peace he finds for my beseeching.
Constant he is and kind,
Love, without end.
~Emma Lou Thayne, Hymn #129 "Where Can I Turn for Peace?"
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